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Jan. 15th, 2007 11:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astralisSo, a while ago, I offered to write some Five Things fics. And then I started them.
And then I finished one.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kiaforrest, this is for you.
1: He figures one day he should probably tell Kaylee that one of the best decisions he's ever made was offering her Bester's job. Not only did she get Serenity flying like he'd never imagined, but she'd made him believe that he weren't such a mean old man after all. Gave him a shock, the first time he hugged her, to realise how long it'd been since he last touched someone like that. More than that, she showed him the 'verse. He'd seen it all before she came along, but Kaylee was always finding something new and interesting and exciting, and showing him so's he could be excited too.
There's plenty he's lost that he ain't going to get back, but some things Kaylee's got plenty of and it kind of feels like she's been sharing them with him, and he don't feel quite so old or so mean any more.
2: Someday, if he can find the words - ain't never been much for fine words, 'specially not when it comes to womenfolk - he'll tell Kaylee just how he felt the day Dobson put a bullet in her belly. Mal's seen plenty of shootings, and most of them were a sight worse than what happened to Kaylee that day, but nothing he's seen ever made him feel quite like that did. The sight of her bleeding in the cargo bay, the sound of her moaning in pain and fear - them things stick with him even today, even after everything.
See, he'd made a promise to keep Kaylee safe - promised himself as much as he'd promised her Pa - and Mal Reynolds ain't a man to take breaking his word lightly. He'd let them all down well and truly, but 'specially Kaylee.
And he knows, deep down in his gut, that she ain't never been the same since that day. Sure, she healed up good - Simon did his work real well - but she'd been initiated into the world of hurting instead of just watching from the outside like she'd been doing her whole life.
Mal had wanted to keep her safe, keep her happy, keep her smiling. Still does, in fact, but that was the first time he failed.
3: She deserves to know how much it's meant to him, what she did the time he got himself took by Niska. First thing was giving up all her savings, such as they were, and her whole cut from the Ariel job, to buy him and Wash back. Mal knows it meant she couldn't send her folks anything and couldn't buy the pretties she'd been dreaming about for months. He also knows she couldn't live with herself had she held any money back, being Kaylee and all, but he still felt an ache that she couldn't have the things she wanted on his behalf.
And then she did more than that, his little Kaylee. She'd never fired a gun in her life (Mal had always planned on him or Zoe giving her a few lessons sometime, just so's she had some way to defend herself, but even after Dobson he'd always figured on there being plenty of time), but she'd planned on firing one for him. She'd talked the doc and the Shepherd into joining her in the rescue party, knowing that Jayne figured the whole thing suicide, knowing what Niska had done to Wash and himself, and knowing what it felt like to have a bullet in her. Little Kaylee had taken up arms and gone into battle for him and it makes him feel thankful and proud and guilty, all at once.
After Jubal Early she told him the whole story, about how she went all funny inside and couldn't pull her trigger, couldn't hold her ground. It'd been eating her up inside, the failure, and Mal understands 'cause of how he failed her. Much as he'd be happier if it weren't neither Kaylee nor River to have been shooting people, all's well that ends well and he don't blame Kaylee, not a mite. He told her then that there weren't nothing to be ashamed of in what had happened and she weren't to go blaming herself, and he'd held her tight while she cried, but he thinks, someday, when the time's right, he'll tell her just how it made him feel like the finest man in the 'verse and the lowest, all at once, to have his little Kaylee taking up arms for him, and how what happened after don't change his feelings a jolt.
4: Come a day when he's got the words to make her understand, he'll tell her how it was like hitting the ground after falling off a horse, the first time he saw her and the doc together. He could never begrudge Kaylee anything to make her happy, and she was happy enough, those first few months with the doc, but he knew in his gut it weren't going to work out and there was like to be some hurt for her before long. He figured he knew how she was feeling, being as he was doing kind of the same thing with Inara. It felt like the 'verse had fallen apart around them, and it was natural to grab onto something that'd give you a kind of hope - he'd seen it so many times in the war - but soon after Inara left again, and he found Kaylee sniffling in the engine room and the doc buried in the infirmary reorganising things that didn't need it, he knew he'd made the wrong choice.
5: He's going to tell her he loves her, one day, when he can stop the words from sticking in his throat. They've got something new now, something just starting. Something he feels like he's got to tiptoe round just in case he breaks it. He's good at breaking things, and Kaylee's good at fixing, but he worries that if he breaks this there won't be no fixing it.
He's going to tell her he loves her. He'll tell her how he realised it the night she appeared in his bunk about half three, shaking and crying, and burrowed into his bed, clinging to him and whispering her nightmares. They'd been circling each other for a few weeks then, trying to figure it out, and Mal had known that Kaylee thought she had it figured, but he didn't get how someone like Kaylee could want anything like that from him.
But she lay sleeping in his arms that night, tear stains down her cheeks but looking peaceful as the black, and he realised that there weren't nobody who'd ever trusted him that way and nobody who'd ever loved him as obviously as Kaylee did.
He's pretty sure she knows how he feels about her, but someday soon he's going to find how to tell her so's she really knows.
And then I finished one.
kiaforrest, this is for you.1: He figures one day he should probably tell Kaylee that one of the best decisions he's ever made was offering her Bester's job. Not only did she get Serenity flying like he'd never imagined, but she'd made him believe that he weren't such a mean old man after all. Gave him a shock, the first time he hugged her, to realise how long it'd been since he last touched someone like that. More than that, she showed him the 'verse. He'd seen it all before she came along, but Kaylee was always finding something new and interesting and exciting, and showing him so's he could be excited too.
There's plenty he's lost that he ain't going to get back, but some things Kaylee's got plenty of and it kind of feels like she's been sharing them with him, and he don't feel quite so old or so mean any more.
2: Someday, if he can find the words - ain't never been much for fine words, 'specially not when it comes to womenfolk - he'll tell Kaylee just how he felt the day Dobson put a bullet in her belly. Mal's seen plenty of shootings, and most of them were a sight worse than what happened to Kaylee that day, but nothing he's seen ever made him feel quite like that did. The sight of her bleeding in the cargo bay, the sound of her moaning in pain and fear - them things stick with him even today, even after everything.
See, he'd made a promise to keep Kaylee safe - promised himself as much as he'd promised her Pa - and Mal Reynolds ain't a man to take breaking his word lightly. He'd let them all down well and truly, but 'specially Kaylee.
And he knows, deep down in his gut, that she ain't never been the same since that day. Sure, she healed up good - Simon did his work real well - but she'd been initiated into the world of hurting instead of just watching from the outside like she'd been doing her whole life.
Mal had wanted to keep her safe, keep her happy, keep her smiling. Still does, in fact, but that was the first time he failed.
3: She deserves to know how much it's meant to him, what she did the time he got himself took by Niska. First thing was giving up all her savings, such as they were, and her whole cut from the Ariel job, to buy him and Wash back. Mal knows it meant she couldn't send her folks anything and couldn't buy the pretties she'd been dreaming about for months. He also knows she couldn't live with herself had she held any money back, being Kaylee and all, but he still felt an ache that she couldn't have the things she wanted on his behalf.
And then she did more than that, his little Kaylee. She'd never fired a gun in her life (Mal had always planned on him or Zoe giving her a few lessons sometime, just so's she had some way to defend herself, but even after Dobson he'd always figured on there being plenty of time), but she'd planned on firing one for him. She'd talked the doc and the Shepherd into joining her in the rescue party, knowing that Jayne figured the whole thing suicide, knowing what Niska had done to Wash and himself, and knowing what it felt like to have a bullet in her. Little Kaylee had taken up arms and gone into battle for him and it makes him feel thankful and proud and guilty, all at once.
After Jubal Early she told him the whole story, about how she went all funny inside and couldn't pull her trigger, couldn't hold her ground. It'd been eating her up inside, the failure, and Mal understands 'cause of how he failed her. Much as he'd be happier if it weren't neither Kaylee nor River to have been shooting people, all's well that ends well and he don't blame Kaylee, not a mite. He told her then that there weren't nothing to be ashamed of in what had happened and she weren't to go blaming herself, and he'd held her tight while she cried, but he thinks, someday, when the time's right, he'll tell her just how it made him feel like the finest man in the 'verse and the lowest, all at once, to have his little Kaylee taking up arms for him, and how what happened after don't change his feelings a jolt.
4: Come a day when he's got the words to make her understand, he'll tell her how it was like hitting the ground after falling off a horse, the first time he saw her and the doc together. He could never begrudge Kaylee anything to make her happy, and she was happy enough, those first few months with the doc, but he knew in his gut it weren't going to work out and there was like to be some hurt for her before long. He figured he knew how she was feeling, being as he was doing kind of the same thing with Inara. It felt like the 'verse had fallen apart around them, and it was natural to grab onto something that'd give you a kind of hope - he'd seen it so many times in the war - but soon after Inara left again, and he found Kaylee sniffling in the engine room and the doc buried in the infirmary reorganising things that didn't need it, he knew he'd made the wrong choice.
5: He's going to tell her he loves her, one day, when he can stop the words from sticking in his throat. They've got something new now, something just starting. Something he feels like he's got to tiptoe round just in case he breaks it. He's good at breaking things, and Kaylee's good at fixing, but he worries that if he breaks this there won't be no fixing it.
He's going to tell her he loves her. He'll tell her how he realised it the night she appeared in his bunk about half three, shaking and crying, and burrowed into his bed, clinging to him and whispering her nightmares. They'd been circling each other for a few weeks then, trying to figure it out, and Mal had known that Kaylee thought she had it figured, but he didn't get how someone like Kaylee could want anything like that from him.
But she lay sleeping in his arms that night, tear stains down her cheeks but looking peaceful as the black, and he realised that there weren't nobody who'd ever trusted him that way and nobody who'd ever loved him as obviously as Kaylee did.
He's pretty sure she knows how he feels about her, but someday soon he's going to find how to tell her so's she really knows.
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Date: 2007-01-14 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-18 04:38 am (UTC)Bless your little pea-pickin' heart!!
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Date: 2007-01-20 03:31 am (UTC)Hope the back feels better soon.